Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
worst night to have a conscience
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
