Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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