just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
