there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
