Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
