I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
