i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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