You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
