Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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