We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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