my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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