can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
