I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
