Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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