Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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