Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
