I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
