oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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