Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
