She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
