I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
