I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
