...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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