There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
