i don't like sucking hair
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
