That's intense
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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