Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
handjob tips. give me some.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
