Your mouth is God's brothel.
She said her name was "party"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
