last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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