You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
