dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
