I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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