I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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