Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
