I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
