the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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