Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
