Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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