The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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