I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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