So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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