Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
