Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
