My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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