I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
