so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
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In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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