thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
