god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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