i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
