I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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