Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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