So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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