We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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