I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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