She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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