when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The Olympian is in my bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
