When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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