Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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