It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
