I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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