i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
