I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize