Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
