To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
