Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
