is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
