we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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