He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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