my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is my gift to your gina
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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