Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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