My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
