Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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