I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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