my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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