We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am naked and annoyed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
