I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
