what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
