I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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