Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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